What My Shrink Told Me

Dear Yak,

I’m 11-years-old and I have an imaginary friend called Levi. He’s really excellent company. But my Mum and Dad think I’m too old to have an imaginary friend. So they’ve started sending me to a shrink. A very expensive one, as they keep telling me.

The shrink reckons I have “social anxiety disorder compounded by acute agoraphobia”. But I’m just shy, that’s all. How can I make everyone just leave me alone?

Yours most sincerely,

On The Couch

Dear On The Couch,

I saw a shrink once. I can’t remember why, but I do remember that I somehow managed to make him cry (which has got to be the ultimate in reverse psychology). But now that I think about it, he did me a huge favour. He made me realise that with my sensitivity and insight and compassion, I’d make a great advice columnist.

But enough about me. Back to you and your boring problem. To be honest, I think imaginary friends are over-rated and certainly not to be trusted. They lie to you, steal your money, read your texts, stare at you while you’re naked or on the toilet, and gossip about you to other people’s imaginary friends. That’s how word will spread that your parents are a pair of uptight, hysterical bed-wetters.

Hope this helps.

With kind regards,

The Yak