My girlfriend bet me $100 that I can’t go vegan for a whole month. Bring it on, I said. I could do with the cash (I want a six-month pass for Paintball). And hippies and greenies are vegan so how hard can it be?
Bloody hell, Yak, it’s hard. I mean, I’ve always loved my meat and my ice cream and my bacon and eggs. But now I’ve got to eat weird different shit like tempeh and lentils that tastes like cardboard. I mean, some of these foods I’ve never even heard of. Edamame sounds like an alcoholic auntie. And what the f*** is kale? It looks like angry lettuce.
I really need some tips and pointers as to how I can navigate this weird vegan landscape without secretly reaching for a works burger. I can’t afford to lose $100 and if my girlfriend won I’d never hear the end of it.
Dear High Steaks,
Lol, you sound a bit like angry lettuce yourself. Now just take a deep breath. You’ve come to the right place.
It’s funny you should mention this. Because I’ve just been working on my own cookbook of vegan cuisine, called ‘Cooking with Hooves’. Not only does it have dozens of mouth-watering recipes, but it also includes handy tips on how to hold kitchen utensils and turn the oven on and off with hooves. It’s targeted towards other cleft-footed animals, but I’m sure humans could benefit from it as well, even though you have opposable thumbs.
The principal ingredient in most of the recipes is grass. In fact, it’s the only ingredient. Which means you really need four stomachs to eat any of the recipes. So it probably won’t be able to help you at all. Sorry about that.
Good luck with the bet.
With kind regards,