Sweet Chilli Sauce

Dear Yak,

I’m a budding masterchef. I’m studying Cert IV in Modern Cuisine at TAFE (I even topped the class last year) and friends and family are always telling me how much they like my culinary creations.

Anyway, I’ve just started dating a girl whose tastes are very bogan. Her favourite food is sweet chilli sauce, which she likes to smother over almost everything. It’s disgusting. I can’t even watch.

Last weekend I made us my speciality – gourmet omelettes. Grapeseed oil, Shiitake mushrooms and goat’s cheese with a dollop of soya scream and garnished with fresh chervil. It’s one of my signature recipes. But what did she do? Smothered it with sweet chilli sauce! I was so offended!

I can’t go on like this. What can I do to educate her palate?

Yours sincerely,

Feeling Smothered

Dear Feeling Smothered,

I think she was being pretty discreet, actually. The main reason people put sauce all over their food is because it’d taste like crap otherwise. In other words, you clearly aren’t as good a cook as you think you are.

Or to put it another way – to you it may be a gourmet omelette – but to her it might look like something dead that’s been scraped off the road. In which case she’s fully justified reaching for the sauce bottle. I would too (hooves notwithstanding).

Hope this helps,

With kind regards,

The Yak