It’s me again. The return-to-work Santa. I wrote to you last week about the money hungry, materialistic children of today. Well, I have another issue – people bringing in their damn pets to have their photos taken on my knee.
When the **** did this become a thing? It wasn’t a thing 15 years ago. So far I’ve had to endure a leaking pomeranian that left a wet patch on my suit, a pair of whimpering pugs with really bad breath and a fox terrier that spent the whole time on my lap noisily licking its genitals. One kid even brought in a filthy moth-eaten rabbit that looked suspiciously like it had an infectious disease. It’s disgusting! What can I do, Yak?
Yours in frustration,
Dear Heavy Petting,
You’re just looking at it from the wrong angle. You’re focusing too much on the negative and not enough on the positive.
Let me put it this way… the bodily fluids, the bad smells, the scratching, clawing and biting, the whining, the lice and ticks, the slobbering – you already get all of that with children anyway. At least the animals don’t ask you for money.
Merry Christmas. Again.
With kind regards,