My sister has recently gone vegetarian. Now don’t get me wrong, I respect her choices and all that – but it’s really starting to piss me off.
Why should I care? No more Sunday roasts without her judgemental comments, that’s why. No more nighttime dashes to the local fish and chip shop for big messy works burgers with the blood still dripping out of them. She only seems to eat salads now.
In short, she’s just become really boring since she gave up meat. What can I do to bring her back to the red side?
Flesh and Blood
Dear Flesh and Blood,
Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re obviously stupid as well as shallow. You’re actually asking me, a highly intelligent, long-haired Himalayan ruminant and a member of the Bovidae Family, how to convert a vegetarian back to eating animals? Just stop and think about that for a moment.
However, back in the day, I used to enjoy a good burger myself, believe it or not. I stopped after I found out exactly what hamburger mince is made from… human blubber that’s sucked out during liposuction procedures. And you know the really charming part? Its real colour is a rancid, waxy yellow. The red dye is added afterwards.
I guess there are some things you just can’t un-know, eh?
Hope this helps.
With kind regards,