I’m a single gal in my thirties. For years I’ve hung out with a group of other single gal pals, getting into all kinds of mischief.
The trouble is, my girlfriends are all finding husbands and disappearing off the social circuit. I used to rejoice in my singledom, but as my social circle dwindles, I’m yearning more and more for a partner of my own. Plus, I don’t want to be the last packet on the shelf.
I’ve tried going on blind dates, but they never work out. And the situation is really getting desperate. In two months time I’m going to my cousin’s wedding and I have no date! I’m starting to panic. What can I do?
Dear Expiry Date,
Did you know there’s a 2,600km official exclusion area around the Chernobyl nuclear reactor site? It’s called the Zone of Alienation (great name, huh?) and access to this area is restricted because of the risks of toxic contamination. It’s a barren, lifeless place that no-one wants to go to.
My point? Maybe you have your very own personal Zone of Alienation, which is why you’re still single. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m just putting it out there.
On a more cheery note, your lack of a date was probably the reason you were invited in the first place. Every wedding needs a partnerless, socially-awkward, frumpy young female. It makes the bride look (and smell) even more beautiful and alluring. You’ll therefore be fulfilling an important social function just by turning up.
Just don’t catch the bridal bouquet. That’d be crossing a line.
With kind regards,