I’ve noticed that ads for Christmas are already starting to appear on telly and in shopping centres and it’s still only October!
Why does the damn Christmas season start earlier and earlier every year? It’s really annoying! It’s such a stressful time of year anyway and now these stupid retailers are wanting to expand it. Why is this happening, Yak?
I Bloody Well Hate Christmas
Dear Kindred Spirit,
Yes, I know what you mean. Climate scientists have been studying this phenomenon for a while now. Apparently it’s because of fluctuations in the jet stream. And the melting permafrost, and isobars. Or isotopes, or nematodes. Or Toblerone. Or something. It’s all connected. It’s the vibe.
You think predictions about longer, hotter, more ferocious heatwaves are scary? That’s nothing compared to a world where the Christmas shopping season lasts for SIX MONTHS every year! By then, the October start dates we have now will seem modest and restrained. This is the future. Read it and weep.