All Twerk and No Play

Dear Yak,

My girlfriend recently started a gig as a pole dancer. In fact, she’s already become the star attraction. In a way I’m not surprised. She’s hot and fit and knows how to move. And she’s really raking in the cash, as well.

The trouble is, she’s never at home any more. I seem to be going to bed alone every night. And she performs weekends as well, sometimes eight hour shifts. She doesn’t have any time for me. Plus, it’s starting to interfere with her other career as a nuclear physicist.

What can I do? I can tell she’s exhausted, but she doesn’t know how to say no to the spotlight.

Yours sincerely,

All Twerk And No Play

Dear All Twerk And No Play,

Ah yes, the drawbacks of being the hottest one in the room! That’s something I know all about. I can certainly empathise with your girlfriend. I actually used to be a pole dancer myself, back in the day. Although it was pretty damn difficult holding onto the pole with hooves.

Anyway, I understand your frustrations. And luckily there’s a very simple solution. Before your girlfriend’s next performance, just quietly slip her a good, strong laxative. This is the quickest and most effective way of putting the skids on a promising pole dancing career. And it means her final performance will also be her most memorable. Especially for the people in the front row.

Hope this helps.

With kind regards,

The Yak