A Bit Embarrassing

Dear Yak,

This is a bit embarrassing. I’m a regular bloke in my early 30s and I’ve never had performance issues in the bedroom before. But lately… well, I’ve been really stressed at work and all… so I’ve started using libido-boosting products from the chemist.

These little pills really get the job done. And there aren’t even any side effects, apart from the bloodshot eyes and occasional headache.

But my wife strongly disapproves. She thinks they may be doing some kind of cellular damage which will stop us from having “high quality offspring” (her words). She’s flatly forbidden me to use the pills and says I should work on my stress levels naturally instead.

So sometimes I take a pill on the sly. But then I get paranoid that she’s on to me. A couple of times in the throes of passion I’ve caught her looking at my … er, manhood with such deep, unbridled suspicion. And sometimes she even refuses to have sex because she’s sure I’ve popped a pill. What can I do to make her think it’s all really me?

Yours sincerely,

Bone of Contention

Dear Bone,

Lol, questions that start with “This is a bit embarrassing…” are the best kind!

Ah yes, the complex relationship that exists between males and their genitalia. From highly sophisticated forms of life at the very top of the food chain, right down to the single-celled organisms that listen to talk-back radio. There’s no underestimating the biological power of a good rush of blood.

My point? A good rush of blood is a good rush of blood.

Personally, I think it’s great that men now have a pill of their very own. Although its purpose is the exact opposite of women’s. I’d actually be more concerned about your wife referring to your future children as “high quality offspring”.

To be honest, it sounds like your wife has come up with a clever way to avoid having sex with you. “Not tonight darling, you’ve got a headache” is a simple twist on a classic theme. By blaming it on the pill she gets to appear concerned for your welfare without having to get her hands dirty. It’s win-lose.

Hope this helps.